Sunday, April 17, 2011

Avian Unrest

Avian Unrest

The Orpingtons want out

16 April 2011

*queue late-breaking news music*

Protests broke out this Saturday morning in The Solarium among the chicken community due to unrest over what some peeps are calling unlawful imprisonment. The scene this morning was one of mild indignation with fervent peeping, complete with standing atop water bottles and rapid head bobbing and wing flapping. Dust could even be seen rising from the The Solarium from the Living Room, where most of the House's citizens have taken refuge. When asked to comment on the situation, Sybil, known among the group as the defacto head chick, simply chanted "Peep!", her tone rife with frustration. The apparent unrest is due to what some would say is blatant laziness on behalf of the ruling party, The Humans, and was inspired by other great revolutions in recent past such as the Egyptian Revolt in Cairo. There is no evidence currently of any out-side involvement or influence, but there has been rumor around the brooder of possibly bringing in camels, an obelisk and some humus to support the protesters in their cause. The Arab League was asked to comment but they declined to say anything except that they wish the peeps luck.

Lucy, the dog-Minister of Homeland Security, was asked to give her take on the situation. "Ruff! The peeps are pretty angry, and rightfully so. The Human Party, though very busy this week, has been late in delivering what is expected of them. Why, just yesterday I had to wait 30 minutes longer than I normally do before I was let out to pee and poop. And the scratches behind my ears? Where are they? It's gotten pretty lame around here. Some would say that's a minor issue, but it's been happening with more and more lately. Ruff. What amazes me, however, is just how dignified these peeps have been in their struggle for better living conditions. They're British, after all-- a people known to always have a stiff upper lip no matter how hard the times are, making this all the more amazing, considering chickens have no lips." Our fact-checkers backed up the dog-Minister's claims and in fact, chickens do not have lips.

The rest of the community is watching with great anticipation for the outcome of this latest stand-off. Anna, High Chancellor of University of Better Learning Through Getting into Trouble & Playing with Things She Knows She's Not Allowed to Touch (UBLTGTPTSKNAT), encourages the peeps in their endeavors, but warns them of possible outcomes they may not expect. "Of course these peeps deserve better living conditions-- that goes without saying; however, there may be a day soon when they'll be cast out of the House-- and I'm not sure that is what these peeps want, or expect. I've been threatened with this several times and I can tell you, neither Mom nor Dad are kidding." She declined further comment due to a tight schedule involving breakfast, Sesame Street and a nap with The Stuffed Animal Council. The marine fish were also asked for their take, in which they simply replied, "glub glub....glub glub," and then simply swam away.

That is all for now from Colorado.

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